I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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