I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
