Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
