so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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