vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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