what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
