He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize