this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I want her autograph on my taint
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
