do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
