I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
