btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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