I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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