i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
