Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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