margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize