The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
