ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize