I faked an abortion last night.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
