i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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