We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So many bounce houses so little time
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
