Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
