apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
