I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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