SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
