Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
