I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
