I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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