im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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