"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We got so high we made milksteak
My vagina just recognized that song.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
