what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
