There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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