I just made out with a guy for $7.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
