okay pat passed out under dana's car
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize