Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
