They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
