tell your sister to shave her snatch
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
