So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
