4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
