This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
tell me about the fingering
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