Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
