I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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