is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
