i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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