My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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