I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
