but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
