do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
