is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
