after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
