Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
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