she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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