Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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