Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
