I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
