How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
