when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize