matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Are we still banned from the library?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
