he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
