I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize