I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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