YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
