You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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