Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
