So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
