I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
