Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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