I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
