I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize