Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
