Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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