I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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